unspeakablehorror: (Default)
2021-05-02 10:21 pm

Some Thoughts About Socializing and Introversion

In general, I like people, but I also really do best when I have a lot of solitude.  I'm just extremely introverted on a lot of levels, though interestingly there are things about interacting with others that don't bother me but bother even a lot of extroverts.  Like public speaking.  Which did terrify me when I was younger, but due to help from someone who I will forever feel indebted to, I was actually able to lose a lot of my fear around that.  Which is not to say that it's an anxiety-free experience for me, but I can handle it and even enjoy it at times.

I've also heard that introverts tend to be more likely to suffer from agoraphobia, which has never been a problem for me, either.  I love being outside, and before the covid-19 pandemic I didn't even feel particularly bothered being around crowds (and now I only avoid them because, you know, I don't want plague, lol).

I enjoy learning about other people, though I don't know that I ask enough or the right questions of others.  I also have difficulty feeling close to or trusting other people.  I think one aspect of that, feeling of group affiliation, is kind of broken for me, though honestly I have ambivalent feelings about 'fixing' this issue of mine. Because I think my constant questioning of every narrative I'm given is partly tied to my dubious feelings regarding group affiliation, but I also think that working with groups is the only feasible way to accomplish certain things I would very much like to do.  So how I want to navigate that issue is a somewhat tricky question for me.
unspeakablehorror: (Default)
2021-04-05 05:00 pm
Entry tags:

Disadvantages of Normality

What really drives me up the wall is that while there are definitely aspects of quarantining that are really getting to me, it's also gotten me to realize how much stress I feel in more normal times, even when I'm just doing something fun, because of the larger social expectations.  I am just way more functional when I'm exposed to a greatly reduced set of social expectations, and I don't know how I feel about that.

I've always known I was an introvert, but sometimes it's hard to realize just how much stress something causes until it's gone.  I just didn't realize how much stress built up in me over the course of a typical day.  Especially as contrasted to how much social anxiety I felt as a kid, since I had immense amounts of social anxiety when I was younger.  There's also the fact that staying close to home means that doing daily tasks breaks up my day a lot less, but at the same time really gets to me because I love being outside and going places.  While I can still find plenty to do in my own little neighborhood and home, I miss travelling to neighboring towns and cities just to sightsee.