One of These Things Doesn't Belong

[unspeakablehorror]

I think I have something of a lack of ability to feel...belonging I guess?  I think this is actually a trait society encourages in some ways, because people who have difficulty feeling connection with other people are less of a 'threat' to it in some respects.  At the same time, obviously it cannot encourage this trait too much, or there would be no societal cohesion, either.  Better to encourage a feel-good sense of individualism that is also, at its core, deeply conformist.

At the same time, I don't think my sense of disconnection from others can be entirely explained by that dynamic, either.  I think there are also aspects that are specific to my particular circumstances. 

Nevertheless, none of this stops me from wanting to have some connection with other people, even though I think I might never feel that I truly belong anywhere.  I also think the way I don't viscerally feel loneliness the way I usually see it described may have some impact on this, though honestly I really would not want to feel loneliness the way I hear it usually described.