That's Not What Parasocial Means

[unspeakablehorror]

 

While parasocial relationships can be a problem online, I think people sometimes incorrectly label relationships as parasocial.  A parasocial relationship isn't just any online relationship, or even any online relationship where two people don't talk to each other very much. It's not even any online relationship where the participants don't value each other equally, or where outright deception is involved. A relationship can also be built on a misunderstanding or be dysfunctional or otherwise bad without being parasocial (though dysfunctional parasocial relationships can also exist).

A parasocial relationship is a relationship that isn't real.  It's a feeling of familiarity built on a fantasy. The most obvious type is the devotion or obsession someone may have for a famous person who doesn't even know they exist.  Even if they've met you and talked to you, that's not the same as them being your friend (or other intimate companion...). You probably don't consider yourself as having a relationship with everyone you've ever talked with, either, even if you talked with them more than once. You probably don't even remember them all and wouldn't recognize some of them if you saw them again. If one of those people thought you were their best friend or that they were in a romantic relationship with you, that would be a parasocial relationship. Even if you did recognize them as 'someone I've seen before', if that's the extent of how you think of them and they spend half their day thinking about you, that is also a parasocial relationship. Parasocial relationships are inherently one-sided.

So while I do think social media does increase the number of such relationships and certain aspects of it encourage such relationships (eg. the greater focus on quantitative rather than qualitative interaction), I think many people have also developed a concept of parasocial relationships that labels their actual online relationships as parasocial. 

And I think that's a problem.