Loftwings and Demons

I want to talk a bit about how I see redemption and forgiveness, and what I think often puts me at odds with other people regarding them. Some of the things that I hold to are: redemption involves people who have done things that are really wrong, that seeking redemption and seeking forgiveness are not the same things, and that redemption is a series of actions designed to redress past misdeeds, not a destination or dispensation one is granted. Oh, and also, redemption is not recovery.

First, I think I should say that I think redemption is specifically for redressing actions that are truly terrible and abhorrent. It's not for apologizing to someone because, say, you pulled their hair when you were a six-year-old. I feel like it's actually kind of mean-spirited to suggest that people need redemption for such minor things. So my take is that if someone 'deserves' redemption, then maybe they never needed it in the first place. Maybe we don't need redemption for every slightly insensitive thing we say or mean thing we do. Maybe we should address those things, but this is not a redemption-necessary-level bad act. So when people say that someone can't redeem themselves because what they've done is just so over-the-top terrible, what they really mean, I feel, is that they would never forgive a person for that transgression. And that's a totally legitimate position, but it is irrelevant to the question of redemption, because redemption is not forgiveness.

Which brings me to my second point, that redemption is not forgiveness. The problem to me, is that if you make redemption about forgiveness, it shifts the focus to what the victim(s) decides to do rather than what the perpetrator does. Forgiveness is a choice made by the victim, it's not something that in itself addresses any of the wrongs the perpetrator committed. To say otherwise is victim-blaming. A victim deciding not to forgive someone doesn't, and SHOULDN'T, stop that person from redressing the wrongs they've committed. In fact one of the ways a person can redress those wrongs in certain situations is to not further interact with the victim. And even if the victim wants to forgive the person, that doesn't necessarily 'redeem' them unless they're willing to address, through their own actions, their unacceptable behavior towards that person.

Redemption is, primarily, about making the world a better place by the perpetrator improving their behavior. No one can undo the past, we can only accept it and move on. But if someone can ever muster the strength to admit to themselves that they've done something truly horrific that should be redressed, then they've already completed the first step of redemption--acknowledging their wrongdoing. This part is actually relevant for more minor not-needing-redemption misdeeds, too, because most of us don't like to acknowledge when we've done something wrong. It's uncomfortable! But we can't fix things if we won't admit to ourselves that we did something wrong. The second step to redemption is actually doing things to fix the behaviors that led to the misdeeds, to actively work against such misdeeds happening again in the future, whether they are caused by one's self or others, and to respect the wishes of any victims of past misdeeds as regards one's future interactions with them. This is what redemption ultimately means to me.

Another thing is that a lot of people seem to talk about redemption in terms of recovery from mental illness a lot. I don't really understand this, because people don't require redemption for having a mental illness. Maybe it feels like that, but that's the mental illness victim-blaming you, not reality. Can people who require both redemption and recovery exist? Yes, but working toward recovery is completely different from working for redemption, because recovery is focused on healing the self, and redemption is focused on healing others. They're not the same thing. Accomplishing one does not necessarily mean accomplishing the other.

I hope that communicates my thoughts on redemption at least somewhat effectively. This is how I approach the idea of redemption, both in my writing and in real life.