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Interests and Abilities
May. 7th, 2022 01:31 amI think it's fortunate that I have so many interests, because it's difficult for me to spend any time at all on things I'm not interested in. Though since I can only be interested in one thing at a time, it can still be difficult to focus on something I would otherwise enjoy doing if it's not what I'm interested in at the time.
Like I say I hate writing sometimes but that's clearly not always true. It can be, though, and it can certainly be said that I hate how I can tell when I'm not writing well, but I can't figure out how to produce something good. Even when I do write something well, I don't know how I did it or how to repeat that. I don't mean things like how to do spelling or grammar or paragraphs or such--I can grasp that part fine. It's the content part. It's like there's some part of that process that I'm capable of doing, but I don't know how I do it, so I can't do it on demand.
And yes, there's a creative aspect to that. But there's a creative aspect to other things I can do fine and also understand how I am doing them to a much greater degree than I do with writing. It's why I like math so much, despite my early schooling repeatedly reinforcing that I'm supposedly mediocre at it (I am very much not mediocre at it at all). I *understand* math. I understand the processes that go into it. When I learn a math concept, I can apply it to arbitrary situations. It may take me a while to absorb it, but when I do, I actually understand it (and can explain it).
But when I write, it's like if someone knows how to play a musical instrument by ear. They can't explain how they do it, and they may sometimes not even consciously understand how they know what to do. Still, something in them knows what to do. But to extend the metaphor to my situation, sometimes they randomly become tone deaf for a while and can't play anything well at all. That's what my experience with writing has been.
I hate thinking anything like this is an unsurmountable problem though. Maybe it is, but maybe it's not. Maybe I just haven't fully grasped the higher level concepts yet. Maybe I just need to be patient.
Like I say I hate writing sometimes but that's clearly not always true. It can be, though, and it can certainly be said that I hate how I can tell when I'm not writing well, but I can't figure out how to produce something good. Even when I do write something well, I don't know how I did it or how to repeat that. I don't mean things like how to do spelling or grammar or paragraphs or such--I can grasp that part fine. It's the content part. It's like there's some part of that process that I'm capable of doing, but I don't know how I do it, so I can't do it on demand.
And yes, there's a creative aspect to that. But there's a creative aspect to other things I can do fine and also understand how I am doing them to a much greater degree than I do with writing. It's why I like math so much, despite my early schooling repeatedly reinforcing that I'm supposedly mediocre at it (I am very much not mediocre at it at all). I *understand* math. I understand the processes that go into it. When I learn a math concept, I can apply it to arbitrary situations. It may take me a while to absorb it, but when I do, I actually understand it (and can explain it).
But when I write, it's like if someone knows how to play a musical instrument by ear. They can't explain how they do it, and they may sometimes not even consciously understand how they know what to do. Still, something in them knows what to do. But to extend the metaphor to my situation, sometimes they randomly become tone deaf for a while and can't play anything well at all. That's what my experience with writing has been.
I hate thinking anything like this is an unsurmountable problem though. Maybe it is, but maybe it's not. Maybe I just haven't fully grasped the higher level concepts yet. Maybe I just need to be patient.
