
I think one reason it's hard for me to maintain relationships is because I tend to be hyperaware of any disagreements I have with people, but almost never feel comfortable approaching anyone about any major disagreements I have with them regardless of their own temperament. These are deep personality flaws I have, and they seriously impact my ability to have meaningful relationships. My lack of chill really messes with my social life, lol.
ramble-tags: yes I know it's all in my head, the question is, how do I get the worst parts of it out of my head?, I don't just want to be the kind of person who squeezes themselves into whatever ideological mode makes their friends happiest, just to resolve such feelings, but I hate feeling like there's always this distance between me and other people, and there's nothing I can do, to bridge it, and sure one can always block people or whatever, but I feel it's necessary to ask pointed questions of myself, if literally no one I know can measure up to all my expectations, I think there's something wrong with that, and just blocking everyone left and right, or ignoring everyone, isn't going to fix it