Working on My Confrontation Issues
Aug. 15th, 2019 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unspeakablehorrorTrying to figure out that right balance of not repressing any opinions I may have simply to avoid confrontation with others but also not overdoing my criticisms and thus making both my and everyone else's life around me miserable is...difficult. Like, I've tried to be just the tiniest bit more open about my thoughts (including positive thoughts, but criticisms are the hardest for me, so I have had to put the most effort into that) and I definitely do feel this is the much better approach overall despite the extra stress it causes in me because it reduces unknowns. Not knowing how someone is going to react to something really is a terrible feeling, but at the same time, someone reacting badly to something is ALSO a terrible feeling.
Like, I don't hold back on criticisms because I think I'm always wrong or something, I hold back on them because I hate when you go to the effort to think about something and try to express it as best you can, and then the other person just proceeds to ignore everything you just said and digs in even harder on their original position. Like I will always argue that these things need to be supported with facts and logic, but that's why it's important to acknowledge what the other person actually says when you disagree with their position. Doing otherwise is strawmanning them. And because I see that happen to people who are more outspoken than me all the time, it just seems like something that everyone hates when it happens to them, but that few bother to not do to others.
I just have to deal with it, though, if I want to improve, because that's just how things are. If someone chooses not to engage with what I say, that's frustrating, but it's also not always the case just because someone disagrees with me, even if it can sometimes feel that way. And because it is such a common thing, it's better if I don't get as bothered by it. Like obviously I'm never going to like being totally dismissed and ignored, but that's what will happen to my ideas anyway if they don't get expressed, so...I may as well try to fix the issue on my end at least. And I do think I'm getting better at dealing with this sort of disappointment.
I do think this is also important because I need to do this if I am to express myself better and if I'm to understand other people better. I just hate when I feel like I'm expressing something badly lol.
Like, I don't hold back on criticisms because I think I'm always wrong or something, I hold back on them because I hate when you go to the effort to think about something and try to express it as best you can, and then the other person just proceeds to ignore everything you just said and digs in even harder on their original position. Like I will always argue that these things need to be supported with facts and logic, but that's why it's important to acknowledge what the other person actually says when you disagree with their position. Doing otherwise is strawmanning them. And because I see that happen to people who are more outspoken than me all the time, it just seems like something that everyone hates when it happens to them, but that few bother to not do to others.
I just have to deal with it, though, if I want to improve, because that's just how things are. If someone chooses not to engage with what I say, that's frustrating, but it's also not always the case just because someone disagrees with me, even if it can sometimes feel that way. And because it is such a common thing, it's better if I don't get as bothered by it. Like obviously I'm never going to like being totally dismissed and ignored, but that's what will happen to my ideas anyway if they don't get expressed, so...I may as well try to fix the issue on my end at least. And I do think I'm getting better at dealing with this sort of disappointment.
I do think this is also important because I need to do this if I am to express myself better and if I'm to understand other people better. I just hate when I feel like I'm expressing something badly lol.